Did Vikings Discover Mars?

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash

What started as a historic week for humankind has devolved into disappointment today after the first imagery trickling back from NASA’s Perseverance Rover showed a 10th century Viking Schooner half buried in red Martian sand.

The old wooden ship, which was shown in the middle of a dried up ancient seabed has caused some conflict among the world’s top scientists. Most agree the implication of liquid water is an exciting revelation and hopes are that those conditions could be recreated to sustain human life. However some are upset that they’re losing the prestige of being Mar’s inaugural explorers.

“Absolute Ass, Dude” said NASA Astro-Engineer Arthur Tusk. “This really takes the wind out of our sails” The low gravity of Mars allows for much greater wind speeds than Earth, reaching speeds up to 30 meters per second.

No human remains have been found on the wreckage implying that the Vikings may have mastered interplanetary travel. The style and age of the ship match early viking blueprints later found in North America establishing that it may have been these pillaging pioneers next stop.

“It just sucks that we don’t even get to pretend like we discovered it. Christopher Columbus got like 600 years before people found him out as a fraud. What do we get? 6 days and I have to smile and pretend like I’m happy about it.

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Eli Wilz

Eli Wilz

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